PICTURES OF LIFE WITH FATHER

I’m tearing them all up now –
pictures of life with father
first one – I show him I’ve learned the alphabet
while reading Kastner to me he cries
second – I’m crying after he pushes my face into the pee-soaked mattress
because he’s had enough
third – in the middle of the night
I throw stones in the swimming pool
he lets me
“Go away already!”
he is busy
fourth – I cry when he leaves for good
despite the Walkman
he bought me
fifth – my little brother walks out naked
I follow him quietly through the streets
he reaches
an anonymous gate
“Where are you going, honey?”
to father –
“Father”
sixth – he really comes
for a visit
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
seventh – he sells the car
I part from the sticker on the back window
“Don’t follow me, I’m lost too”
eighth, ninth, tenth –
birthdays, parties, school plays, and –
he’s not there
everyone is always crying
one of us is always in the emergency room
always wanting
only crumbs! crumbs!
I leave a very small reminder –
a hollow gold heart
he gave me once
to fill
with love
he hasn’t got
I’ve got
and which cannot
be torn.

תמונות חיים עם אבא

תמונות חיים עם אבא