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Gedicht

Nano Shabtai

PICTURES OF LIFE WITH FATHER

I’m tearing them all up now –
pictures of life with father
first one – I show him I’ve learned the alphabet
while reading Kastner to me he cries
second – I’m crying after he pushes my face into the pee-soaked mattress
because he’s had enough
third – in the middle of the night
I throw stones in the swimming pool
he lets me
“Go away already!”
he is busy
fourth – I cry when he leaves for good
despite the Walkman
he bought me
fifth – my little brother walks out naked
I follow him quietly through the streets
he reaches
an anonymous gate
“Where are you going, honey?”
to father –
“Father”
sixth – he really comes
for a visit
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
seventh – he sells the car
I part from the sticker on the back window
“Don’t follow me, I’m lost too”
eighth, ninth, tenth –
birthdays, parties, school plays, and –
he’s not there
everyone is always crying
one of us is always in the emergency room
always wanting
only crumbs! crumbs!
I leave a very small reminder –
a hollow gold heart
he gave me once
to fill
with love
he hasn’t got
I’ve got
and which cannot
be torn.

תמונות חיים עם אבא

תמונות חיים עם אבא

 

Nano Shabtai

Nano Shabtai

(Israël, 1975)

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תמונות חיים עם אבא

PICTURES OF LIFE WITH FATHER

I’m tearing them all up now –
pictures of life with father
first one – I show him I’ve learned the alphabet
while reading Kastner to me he cries
second – I’m crying after he pushes my face into the pee-soaked mattress
because he’s had enough
third – in the middle of the night
I throw stones in the swimming pool
he lets me
“Go away already!”
he is busy
fourth – I cry when he leaves for good
despite the Walkman
he bought me
fifth – my little brother walks out naked
I follow him quietly through the streets
he reaches
an anonymous gate
“Where are you going, honey?”
to father –
“Father”
sixth – he really comes
for a visit
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
seventh – he sells the car
I part from the sticker on the back window
“Don’t follow me, I’m lost too”
eighth, ninth, tenth –
birthdays, parties, school plays, and –
he’s not there
everyone is always crying
one of us is always in the emergency room
always wanting
only crumbs! crumbs!
I leave a very small reminder –
a hollow gold heart
he gave me once
to fill
with love
he hasn’t got
I’ve got
and which cannot
be torn.
Sponsors
Gemeente Rotterdam
Nederlands Letterenfonds
Stichting Van Beuningen Peterich-fonds
Prins Bernhard cultuurfonds
Lira fonds
Versopolis
J.E. Jurriaanse
Gefinancierd door de Europese Unie
Elise Mathilde Fonds
Stichting Verzameling van Wijngaarden-Boot
Veerhuis
VDM
Partners
LantarenVenster – Verhalenhuis Belvédère