Safia Elhillo
SELF-PORTRAIT WITHOUT STITCHES
i was hurt i wasn’t i
saw it on the internet
licked yogurt from a
spoon while the girls
described their blood hot
seizing
the cotton of a sheet
i am speaking from the cut
place from my other
mouths do not believe me for
i was never cut or
i was hurt but never sewn or
i wasn’t i want
-ed it i didn’t i screamed
i didn’t i bit down i bled
i didn’t i click
through pictures of the girls
moonfaced thick-
cheeked still fastened to the
roundness of childhood consider
the softness of my jaw my face
without angles without edges
i covered
i cowered i didn’t i
cried i came to i click & learn
their names incant them
i learn the names of the stones the
theory it wasn’t me i think of
all the ways
we match it could have
been it couldn’t consider
the cut place thick liquid of
citizenship spilling from my
many mouths uncut my many
uncut mouths
From: The January Children
Publisher: University of Nebraska Press, , 2017
ZELFPORTRET ZONDER HECHTINGEN
ik was gewond ik was het niet ik zag het
op het internet likte yoghurt
van een lepel terwijl de meisjes
hun bloed beschreven warm ze grijpen
het katoen van het laken ik spreek vanuit
de gesneden plek vanuit mijn andere
monden geloof me niet want ik
had nooit een snee of ik was gewond maar
was niet gehecht of ik was niet ik wil-
de het niet ik schreeuwde niet
ik hield mijn kaken op elkaar ik bloedde niet klikte
door de foto’s van de meisjes met een vol gezicht
een bolle toet nog verbonden met de
molligheid van de jeugd denk maar aan
de zachtheid van mijn kaak mijn gezicht zonder
hoeken zonder randen ik bedekte
ik kromp ineen nee niet ik huilde ik kwam bij
ik klik & onthoud hun namen bezweer ze
ik leer de namen van de stenen de theorie
ik was het niet ik denk aan alle manieren waarop we
bij elkaar passen het had gekund het had
niet gekund denk maar aan de plek met de snee dik
vloeistof van burgerschap vloeit uit
mijn vele monden niet-gesneden mijn vele
niet gesneden monden
Publisher: 2022, Voor het eerst gepubliceerd op PoetryInternational.com,
SELF-PORTRAIT WITHOUT STITCHES
i was hurt i wasn’t i
saw it on the internet
licked yogurt from a
spoon while the girls
described their blood hot
seizing
the cotton of a sheet
i am speaking from the cut
place from my other
mouths do not believe me for
i was never cut or
i was hurt but never sewn or
i wasn’t i want
-ed it i didn’t i screamed
i didn’t i bit down i bled
i didn’t i click
through pictures of the girls
moonfaced thick-
cheeked still fastened to the
roundness of childhood consider
the softness of my jaw my face
without angles without edges
i covered
i cowered i didn’t i
cried i came to i click & learn
their names incant them
i learn the names of the stones the
theory it wasn’t me i think of
all the ways
we match it could have
been it couldn’t consider
the cut place thick liquid of
citizenship spilling from my
many mouths uncut my many
uncut mouths
From: The January Children
Publisher: University of Nebraska Press,
SELF-PORTRAIT WITHOUT STITCHES
i was hurt i wasn’t i
saw it on the internet
licked yogurt from a
spoon while the girls
described their blood hot
seizing
the cotton of a sheet
i am speaking from the cut
place from my other
mouths do not believe me for
i was never cut or
i was hurt but never sewn or
i wasn’t i want
-ed it i didn’t i screamed
i didn’t i bit down i bled
i didn’t i click
through pictures of the girls
moonfaced thick-
cheeked still fastened to the
roundness of childhood consider
the softness of my jaw my face
without angles without edges
i covered
i cowered i didn’t i
cried i came to i click & learn
their names incant them
i learn the names of the stones the
theory it wasn’t me i think of
all the ways
we match it could have
been it couldn’t consider
the cut place thick liquid of
citizenship spilling from my
many mouths uncut my many
uncut mouths
From: The January Children
Publisher: 2017, University of Nebraska Press,
SELF-PORTRAIT WITHOUT STITCHES
i was hurt i wasn’t i
saw it on the internet
licked yogurt from a
spoon while the girls
described their blood hot
seizing
the cotton of a sheet
i am speaking from the cut
place from my other
mouths do not believe me for
i was never cut or
i was hurt but never sewn or
i wasn’t i want
-ed it i didn’t i screamed
i didn’t i bit down i bled
i didn’t i click
through pictures of the girls
moonfaced thick-
cheeked still fastened to the
roundness of childhood consider
the softness of my jaw my face
without angles without edges
i covered
i cowered i didn’t i
cried i came to i click & learn
their names incant them
i learn the names of the stones the
theory it wasn’t me i think of
all the ways
we match it could have
been it couldn’t consider
the cut place thick liquid of
citizenship spilling from my
many mouths uncut my many
uncut mouths
From: The January Children
Publisher: 2017, University of Nebraska Press,
Sponsors
