Poem
Dumitru Crudu
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister . . .
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister, where she’s been going for a check-up every three months ever since she got pregnant, even though she wasn’t supposed to, and the doctors are afraid she is going to die, because they told her not to get pregnant, but she chose to give birth, even if it costs her her life, she’s going to have twins, although she might die, she’s seventeen years younger than me, and she already has four children, and I don’t have any, for a while I thought she wasn’t as clever as me when we were children I used to give her piggybacks, but now I go to the doctor’s with her, not long after mother died, about a month afterward, when mother died my sister didn’t know she was pregnant yet, she called me over to her house, without telling me why, without telling me mother had died, telling me it was something urgent, I was in Jassy, where I’d gone to see a play, which for that reason I still haven’t seen
the taxi driver talked to me the whole way, he said that you shouldn’t get attached to anybody that way you won’t suffer, that’s what he believed in, and he used himself as an example he told methat he would never suffer if anybody pinched his car, because he wasn’t attached to it, just as he wasn’t attached to anything in the world, because he couldn’t care less about anything, nothing affected him, that’s why he didn’t even suffer when his wife left him, and his kids slammed the door in his face, the car was hurtling along at top speed, he didn’t care that he might crash into a tree at the side of the road or maybe he was trying to prove to me
that he didn’t care, that’s why he was going so fast, the only thing he felt sorry about in his life was that there were things he had felt sorry about, as he spoke I was wondering why my sister had told me to come home, what could have happened that was so urgent, but she didn’t want to tell me over the phone, by the time we reached Flutura the driver was still telling me
about how he didn’t care about anything in this life, he was still telling me when he dropped me off by the gate, where my sister met me, her face bathed in tears
it was raining, the taxi driver swallowed his words when he realised where he had brought me, I gave him a hundred dollars, ten times more than the fare, and told him to go, but he didn’t want to and he stayed to help us with one thing and another, that afternoon he forgot not to care and he smoked cigarette after cigarette, crying into his hands next to me, a stranger who had never met my mother, it was only then that he realised where he had been going, I didn’t tell him to stay, but he stayed, without realising that it was blatantly at odds with his philosophy of life, and he left only when we all went to bed, he wouldn’t accept a single cent from me, he gave me back the hundred dollars, I never saw him again after that, there are people we never see again, after I was left on my own a swarm of mosquitoes attacked me
in the morning I went with my sister to the oncological institute, for another check-up and the doctors told her that if she wanted to live she would have to have an abortion, but my sister didn’t want to, she would rather die than kill the child in her belly, and she gave birth to twins, but she didn’t die, she left the doctors open-mouthed in amazement, I think that wherever she is now my mother is proud of my sister
when I left Flutura on the way I met the taxi driver walking up the hill somebody had stolen his car just as somebody had stolen the tears from my cheeks
Morgen ga ik met mijn zus naar het oncologisch instituut . . .
Morgen ga ik met mijn zus naar het oncologisch instituut, waar ze om de drie maanden voor onderzoek naartoe moet sinds ze zwanger werd, al mocht het niet, de artsen daar zijn bang dat ze zal sterven, want ze zeiden dat ze niet zwanger moest blijven, maar ze heeft ervoor gekozen om zwanger te blijven en zelfs ten koste van haar leven te bevallen, ze zal een tweeling hebben, al loopt ze het risico
te sterven, ze is zeventien jaar jonger dan ik en ze heeft al vier kinderen en ik niet één, een tijd lang meende ik dat ze dommer was dan ik, als kind droeg ik haar op mijn rug, maar nu ga ik met haar naar de dokters, direct na de dood van moeder, zowat een maand geleden, toen moeder is gestorven, wist ze nog niet dat ze zwanger was, ze belde me om me naar huis te komen zonder me te vertellen waarom, zonder me te vertellen dat moeder was gestorven, ze vertelde me dat het iets dringends was, ik was in Iaşi om een toneelstuk te zien, maar zo heb ik het dus niet gezien,de taxichauffeur babbelde de hele weg, vertelde me dat je je aan niemand moet hechten zodat je niet moet lijden, dat geloofde hij, en hij leverde er meteen een voorbeeld bij, hij vertelde me
dat hij niet zal lijden als iemand zijn auto zou jatten, omdat hij er niet aan gehecht is, zoals hij aan niets op deze wereld gehecht is, omdat hij overal lak aan heeft, niets raakt hem, daarom heeft hij niet geleden toen zijn vrouw hem heeft verlaten en zijn kinderen
de deur voor zijn neus dichtsmeten, hij reed op volle snelheid, zonder erbij stil te staan dat hij tegen een boom langs de weg kon rijden of misschien wilde hij me bewijzen
dat het hem niet kon schelen, daarom reed hij zo snel, één ding speet hem in dit leven dat er dingen waren die hem speten, terwijl hij tegen me praatte vroeg ik me af waarom mijn zus me naar huis had ontboden, wat kon er gebeurd zijn dat zo dringend was, maar ze had het me niet aan de telefoon willen vertellen, toen we Flutura binnenreden vertelde de chauffeur me nog altijd
dat hem in dit leven niets kon schelen, hij babbelde nog altijd toen hij me voor het hek uitliet, waar mijn zus met een gezicht badend in tranen naar me toekwam
het regende, de taxichauffeur slikte zijn woorden in toen hij begreep waar hij me naartoe had gebracht, ik gaf hem honderd dollar, tien keer meer dan de rit kostte, en liet hem gaan, maar hij wilde niet en bleef om ons met dit of dat te helpen, die middag toen hij vergat onverschillig te zijn en de ene sigaret na de andere opstak, naast mij huilend met zijn handen voor zijn gezicht, een onbekende die mijn moeder niet heeft gekend, hij wist pas nu waar hij naartoe was gegaan, ik heb hem niet gezegd om te blijven, maar hij is gebleven, zonder te beseffen dat hij flagrant in tegenspraak was met zijn levensfilosofie, en hij ging pas weg toen we allemaal naar bed gingen, wilde geen geld van me aannemen en gaf me die honderd
dollar terug ik heb de man nooit zó teruggezien, er zijn van die mensen die je nooit meer hetzelfde terugziet, nadat ik alleen was achtergebleven werd ik door een wolk muggen aangevallen
’s morgens ben ik met mijn zus voor een nieuw onderzoek naar het oncologisch instituut gegaan en de artsen vertelden haar dat als ze wilde blijven leven, ze abortus moest plegen, maar mijn zus wilde niet, en stierf liever dan het kind in haar buik te vermoorden, ze beviel van een tweeling, maar ze stierf niet, en de artsen stonden daar met hun mond vol tanden van waar mijn moeder zich bevindt geloof ik dat ze trots is op mijn zus
toen ik Flutura verliet kwam ik onderweg opnieuw de taxichauffeur tegen die de heuvel te voet opging iemand had zijn auto gejat zoals iemand de tranen op mijn wangen had gejat
Cu sora mea mâine voi merge la institul oncologic la un nou control, unde merge o dată la trei luni, după ce a rămas însărcinată, deși nu avea voie, și medicii de acolo se tem că o să moară, pentru că i-au spus să nu rămână însărcinată, dar ea a rămas alegând să nască, chiar și cu prețul vieții, va avea doi gemeni, deși riscă
să moară, ea este mai mică decât mine cu 17 ani, și ea are deja patru copii, iar eu niciunul, un timp am crezut că e mai proastă decât mine în copilărie o purtam în cârcă, dar acum merg cu ea pe la medici, imediat după moartea mamei, cam la o lună după, când a murit mama încă nu știa că e însărcinată, ea m-a chemat acasă, fără să-mi spună de ce, fără să-mi spună că a murit mama, spunându-mi că e ceva urgent, eram la iași, unde am mers să vad un spectacol de teatru, pe care așa și nu l-am mai văzut,șoferul de taxi mi-a vorbit tot drumul, îmi povestea că nu trebuie să te atașezi de nimeni ca să nu suferi, în asta el credea, și se dădea pe el drept exemplu îmi spunea
că el nu o să sufere niciodată dacă cineva îi va sfeterisi mașina asta, pentru că el nu ține la ea, cum nu ține la nimic din lumea asta, pentru că îl doare în cot de toate, nimic nu-l atinge, de aia, nici n-a suferit când soția sa l-a părăsit, iar copiii săi
i-au trântit ușa în nas, gonea mașina cu toată viteza, fără să-i pese că ar fi putut intra în vreun copac de la marginea drumului sau poate voia să-mi demonstreze
că nu-i pasă, de aceea și gonea așa de tare de un singur lucru îi părea rău în viața asta că au fost lucruri de care i-a părut rău în timp ce-mi vorbea eu mă intrebam de ce oare m-o chemat sora mea acasă, ce s-o fi întâmplat de-i așa de urgent, dar ea nu a vrut să-mi spună la telefon, când am intrat în Flutura șoferul încă-mi vorbea
despre cum lui nu-i pasă de nimic în viața asta, încă îmi vorbea când m-a lăsat în poartă, unde soră-mea m-a întâmpinat cu fața scăldată de lacrimi
ploua, șoferul de taxi și-a înghițit cuvintele când a inteles unde m-a adus, i-am dat o sută de dolari, de zece ori mai mult decât costa drumul, și l-am lăsat să plece, dar el nu a vrut și a rămas să ne ajute, cu una cu alta, în după-amiaza aia când a uitat să mai fie indiferent și a fumat țigară de la țigară, plângând în pumni alături de mine, un om necunoscut care nu a cunoscut-o pe mama mea, unde mergea abia acum știa, dar eu nu i-am zis să rămână, dar el a rămas, fără să-și dea seama că-și contrazice flagrant filosofia sa de viață, și plecând doar atunci când am mers cu toții să ne culcăm, nevrând sa ia niciun ban de la mine, și întorcându-mi înapoi suta aia
de dolari pe omul ăla nu l-am mai vazut niciodata așa, sunt oameni pe care nu o să-i mai vedem niciodată la fel după ce am rămas singur un nor de țânțari m-a atacat
dimineața am mers cu sora mea la institutul oncologic, la un nou control și medicii i-au spus că daca vrea să trăiască, ar trebui să facă avort, dar sora ma nu a vrut, alegând să moară, decât să-și omoare copilul din burtă, și a născut doi gemeni, dar nu a murit, lăsându-i pe medici cu gura căscată de acolo de unde este mama mea cred că e mândră de sora mea
când părăseam flutura pe drum m-am întâlnit cu șoferul de taxi urcând dealul pe jos nu știu cine i-a furat mașina așa cum și mie cineva mi-a furat lacrimile de pe obraji
Poems
Poems of Dumitru Crudu
Close
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister . . .
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister, where she’s been going for a check-up every three months ever since she got pregnant, even though she wasn’t supposed to, and the doctors are afraid she is going to die, because they told her not to get pregnant, but she chose to give birth, even if it costs her her life, she’s going to have twins, although she might die, she’s seventeen years younger than me, and she already has four children, and I don’t have any, for a while I thought she wasn’t as clever as me when we were children I used to give her piggybacks, but now I go to the doctor’s with her, not long after mother died, about a month afterward, when mother died my sister didn’t know she was pregnant yet, she called me over to her house, without telling me why, without telling me mother had died, telling me it was something urgent, I was in Jassy, where I’d gone to see a play, which for that reason I still haven’t seen
the taxi driver talked to me the whole way, he said that you shouldn’t get attached to anybody that way you won’t suffer, that’s what he believed in, and he used himself as an example he told methat he would never suffer if anybody pinched his car, because he wasn’t attached to it, just as he wasn’t attached to anything in the world, because he couldn’t care less about anything, nothing affected him, that’s why he didn’t even suffer when his wife left him, and his kids slammed the door in his face, the car was hurtling along at top speed, he didn’t care that he might crash into a tree at the side of the road or maybe he was trying to prove to me
that he didn’t care, that’s why he was going so fast, the only thing he felt sorry about in his life was that there were things he had felt sorry about, as he spoke I was wondering why my sister had told me to come home, what could have happened that was so urgent, but she didn’t want to tell me over the phone, by the time we reached Flutura the driver was still telling me
about how he didn’t care about anything in this life, he was still telling me when he dropped me off by the gate, where my sister met me, her face bathed in tears
it was raining, the taxi driver swallowed his words when he realised where he had brought me, I gave him a hundred dollars, ten times more than the fare, and told him to go, but he didn’t want to and he stayed to help us with one thing and another, that afternoon he forgot not to care and he smoked cigarette after cigarette, crying into his hands next to me, a stranger who had never met my mother, it was only then that he realised where he had been going, I didn’t tell him to stay, but he stayed, without realising that it was blatantly at odds with his philosophy of life, and he left only when we all went to bed, he wouldn’t accept a single cent from me, he gave me back the hundred dollars, I never saw him again after that, there are people we never see again, after I was left on my own a swarm of mosquitoes attacked me
in the morning I went with my sister to the oncological institute, for another check-up and the doctors told her that if she wanted to live she would have to have an abortion, but my sister didn’t want to, she would rather die than kill the child in her belly, and she gave birth to twins, but she didn’t die, she left the doctors open-mouthed in amazement, I think that wherever she is now my mother is proud of my sister
when I left Flutura on the way I met the taxi driver walking up the hill somebody had stolen his car just as somebody had stolen the tears from my cheeks
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister . . .
Tomorrow I’m going to the oncological institute with my sister, where she’s been going for a check-up every three months ever since she got pregnant, even though she wasn’t supposed to, and the doctors are afraid she is going to die, because they told her not to get pregnant, but she chose to give birth, even if it costs her her life, she’s going to have twins, although she might die, she’s seventeen years younger than me, and she already has four children, and I don’t have any, for a while I thought she wasn’t as clever as me when we were children I used to give her piggybacks, but now I go to the doctor’s with her, not long after mother died, about a month afterward, when mother died my sister didn’t know she was pregnant yet, she called me over to her house, without telling me why, without telling me mother had died, telling me it was something urgent, I was in Jassy, where I’d gone to see a play, which for that reason I still haven’t seen
the taxi driver talked to me the whole way, he said that you shouldn’t get attached to anybody that way you won’t suffer, that’s what he believed in, and he used himself as an example he told methat he would never suffer if anybody pinched his car, because he wasn’t attached to it, just as he wasn’t attached to anything in the world, because he couldn’t care less about anything, nothing affected him, that’s why he didn’t even suffer when his wife left him, and his kids slammed the door in his face, the car was hurtling along at top speed, he didn’t care that he might crash into a tree at the side of the road or maybe he was trying to prove to me
that he didn’t care, that’s why he was going so fast, the only thing he felt sorry about in his life was that there were things he had felt sorry about, as he spoke I was wondering why my sister had told me to come home, what could have happened that was so urgent, but she didn’t want to tell me over the phone, by the time we reached Flutura the driver was still telling me
about how he didn’t care about anything in this life, he was still telling me when he dropped me off by the gate, where my sister met me, her face bathed in tears
it was raining, the taxi driver swallowed his words when he realised where he had brought me, I gave him a hundred dollars, ten times more than the fare, and told him to go, but he didn’t want to and he stayed to help us with one thing and another, that afternoon he forgot not to care and he smoked cigarette after cigarette, crying into his hands next to me, a stranger who had never met my mother, it was only then that he realised where he had been going, I didn’t tell him to stay, but he stayed, without realising that it was blatantly at odds with his philosophy of life, and he left only when we all went to bed, he wouldn’t accept a single cent from me, he gave me back the hundred dollars, I never saw him again after that, there are people we never see again, after I was left on my own a swarm of mosquitoes attacked me
in the morning I went with my sister to the oncological institute, for another check-up and the doctors told her that if she wanted to live she would have to have an abortion, but my sister didn’t want to, she would rather die than kill the child in her belly, and she gave birth to twins, but she didn’t die, she left the doctors open-mouthed in amazement, I think that wherever she is now my mother is proud of my sister
when I left Flutura on the way I met the taxi driver walking up the hill somebody had stolen his car just as somebody had stolen the tears from my cheeks
Sponsors
Partners
LantarenVenster – Verhalenhuis Belvédère