Poem
Umar Timol
BLOOD
You are beautiful. And I am mad.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
© Translation: 2012, Susan Wicks
BLOED
Je bent mooi. En ik ben gek.
Stenen lichaam. Zonnen lichaam. Eenzelvig lichaam. Zomers melkwezen. Wilde baai. Je bent mijn ivoren vlees. Zwarte ster. Mijn schaamteloze zone. Je metselt me in onder de klaagkoepel. Mijn gegunde sappigheid. Mijn minnares. Mijn stilzwijgende zinnelijkheid. Mijn tirannieke maanwezen. Razende prinses. Doolhof van zweet. Met zijde bekleed idool. En met doornen.
Opus van vuur en bloed. De areola’s van je lippen omvatten en kloven mijn huid. Leg me droog. Ik ben woestijn. Gesel me. Ik ben slaaf. Lijf me in. Ik ben je eigendom. Je snuisterij. Ik vouw je nek. Ik ontvouw je buik. Hemelse duinen. Je haar is een vlammenbundel. Je ogen een zandstorm. Ik rijt je gezwollen tong open en les mijn dorst. Ze is hostie voor mijn ontrouwe mond. Ze is kelk voor mijn ketterse mond.
Ik verzaak de plicht. De rede. Ik vereer de plaatsen van ontucht. Ik schooi op de drempel van je herberg. Ik laaf me aan je begoochelende bronnen. Opium en wijn. Ik snuif je opiumgeur op. Ik bijt in je alcohol geworden brokjes.
Ik ben die in lompen gehuld je voeten wast en kust. Ik wil drinken. Nog meer drinken. En nog meer drinken. En oplossen en opgaan in de bedwelming.
Ik ben minnaar van de liefde. Met dons bekleed. Met vuil en slijk bekleed.
Ik ben die in het stof knielt voor je lichaam. Oord van verering. Oord van gebed.
Ik ben die in de ochtend van je sluier de stilte van je ogen reciteert. Die vlechten van bloed bijeenraapt op je praalgraf.
En jij bent mijn geheiligde boek. Mijn gedicht.
En ik ben de dichtergek die bedelt om de zin van wat je zegt. En ik ben de dichtergek die het woord steelt.
Dichtergek die zijn volgzaamheid ontvreemdt. Dichtergek die een veranderd woord verkondigt.
Bezwerend woord om je te vieren en te scheppen. Woord voorbij het woord om je te beminnen.
En je bent mijn brutale vruchtbare. Die me ontdoet van mijn vermoeidheid. Die mijn fouten en wrok terugdrijft. Die een verbond tussen extase en pijn sluit.
En je nectar hecht zich aan mijn meest zorgeloze dromen. Je nectar hecht zich aan mijn nachtelijke spijt.
Je bent een festijn dat ik stopzet en dat me besmet.
En ik proef je blanke keel. Ik snuif je kruidige geuren op. Ik tap je gezwollen sappen af.
En je bent mijn ijdelheid. Mijn wulpsheid. Mijn onzedige maagd.
Je doorkruist wrekende zeeën en stinkende straten. Je doorkruist mijn gulzige geraamte en bange lusten. Terwijl mijn speeksel je lippen nog vervalst. Terwijl de lichaamssappen van het genot je gebarsten huid nog hechten.
Je bent vrouw en de roofzuchtige nacht vertrapt de graven. Je bent vrouw en de hemel zweet stenen vlokken uit.
Je bent vrouw en de oceaan verwoestijnt en de aarde ontkalkt. Je bent vrouw en de dieren rillen apocalyptische tekenen.
En je bent mooi. Mijn melkglazen gazelle. Water dat stroomt tussen mijn wimpers. Zuchten die mijn gedachten zachter maken. Saffraan die mijn littekens betegelt.
En je bent mooi. Mijn liefje. Mijn zachtje. Je gezicht een heldere ochtend. Blauwe nevel. Snoer van sterrenstof. Snoer van oneindige belofte.
En je bent mooi. Mijn verborgen schat. Vloeibare diamant. Paarlenvlecht. Robijnencanvas. Ik ben de goudsmid van je verrukking. Van je traagheid.
En je bent mooi. Eilandvrouw. Vrouweneiland. Ik ontbind mijn andere streken en beëdig me als eilandbewoner. Ik ben een vuurtoren op je navel. Ik verlicht de gezangen van je weelderigheid.
En ik wil nog jarenlang kruipen als een dier op je lijkwade. En die verstellen met mijn bloed. En inslapen verenigd met mijn toevlucht – met je lijkbleke lichaam.
En ik maak mijn ogen zwart met de as van mijn zwarte maan. En ik zweer de verwrongen en wufte maskerade van het vluchtige af. En mijn gedweeë en verblinde vlees geeft zich over aan de obsessies en uitspattingen van je eredienst.
En ik ben instrumentenlichaam. Tablalichaam .Ravanelichaam .
En je ritmeert me in de draaikolk van je lippen. En je besnijdt me op je kruis.
En je bent spiegel.
En je buigt de sterrentrek om. En je sneeuwt de zonnen vast.
Je bent spiegel. En je zuigt het giftige karmozijn van het kwade weg.
Je bent spiegel. En binnen in je ontwortel ik mijn ik om jou te worden.
Je bent spiegel. En ik versplinter je.
En je barstjes snijden mijn aders. En mijn bloed zal lang na mijn dood jouw kracht oogsten op de vlaktes van de waanzin.
En ik ben stof dat danst rond een gloeiende nis.
Hart van de wereld.
En ik onthoofd degenen die zich – ongelovig en trouw – wentelen aan je voeten maar de alchemie van de liefde niet op kunnen delven.
En ik drijf rond in mijn wankele bootje met de verbannen en zieke zielen.
En ik geef de kreupele te eten. Ik zing de schanddaden met de melaatse. En mijn lichaam is schuilplaats voor de schurftige hond. En mijn lichaam is pantser voor de dakloze. En mijn lichaam is put voor de tranen van de gevallen vrouw.
En in hun onderkomen dat mijn onderkomen is praat ik met de gekken.
En onze bebloede lippen dansen bezielde woorden die de verzen van de liefde voordragen.
En je bent mooi. Mijn zwarte fee. Mijn zwarte wonde. En ik wil de zwarte pupillen afzwakken die taal in mijn huid graven. En een ebbenhouten droom snoeien. Die ebbenhouten droom afpellen.
De essentie ervan losrukken en je dwaasheden ontwarren.
En ik dreun je naam op als het niets me opslokt. En ik roep je naam aan als de oorlog kinderlijkjes uitbraakt.
En ik smeek je naam als mijn tranen opdrogen en ik niet langer huilen wil niet langer huilen kan.
En ik ben wachtende.
Op het donkere vocht dat je rondingen insnijdt Op het donkere vocht dat je haren inkt.
En ik ben wachtende.
Op het donkere vocht dat je huid bevolkt. Op het donkere vocht dat je begeerte opbolt.
Laat het me inkerven en spietsen. Laat het me als prooi achterlaten voor de clowneske en wrede massa.
Want ik ben niets.
En ik wil sterven.
En ik wacht op lichtstralen die mijn offer aankondigen.
Slijp uw sabels vrienden.
Want ik ken dood noch leven.
Want sterven is in jou herboren worden. Is jou zijn.
En je bent mooi. De mooiste.
En ik reis buiten de perken van de tijd.
Ik ben de minnaar van al je plekken. Waar je was en waar je zult zijn.
Ik ben vader en ik heb je verzonnen. Ik ben moeder en ik heb je geboetseerd. Ik ben je eerste lachje en je eerste slokje melk.
Ik ben de grond die je hebt betreden. En de hemel die je hebt verlaten. Ik ben je gevouwen handen in het uur van het gebed. En je gewrongen handen in de pijn.
Ik ben de golven die je hebt gestreeld. En de storm die je hebt bedaard.
Ik ben de letters die je voornaam graveren. En het heilige boek dat onze verenigingen in zich bergt.
Ik ben de handen die je laatste adem zullen wiegen. En de handen die je zullen doen inslapen in je graf.
En ik bemin je.
En een enkel atoom van je liefde verzadigt me. En doet me stralen.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde amputeert mijn lelijkheid. en zuivert mijn verdorvenheid.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde volstaat opdat ik mezelf vergeet.
En ik denk alleen aan jou.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde maakt me zalig. En ik ben de uitverkorene.
En ik bemin je.
En je bent in alle dingen.
Je bent de zon die de gangen van het duister openlegt. Zon die de lusteloosheid van de oceanen scharlaken kleurt.
Je bent de tranen die de naden van de ochtend onthullen.
Tranen die de afscheiding van de schemer vieren. Tranen die de stoet van de manen wegmaaien.
En je bent in alle dingen.
Je bent de verkrachte zielen. En de monsters die ons bestormen.
En de bijlen die onze oogappels balsemen.
Je bent de vluchtigheden van de liefde als onze onherstelbare haat neer gaat liggen.
Je bent de laatste sneeuw en vlagen van vuur die mijn nachten zeven.
En ik bemin je.
En ik ben een uitgeputte kluizenaar in de woestijn.
En ik vast.
En ik stenig de spoken van andere streken.
En ik vast.
Mijn omsingelde lichaam een wonde. Een kloof.
Een stoffelijk overschot en een verblijf voor je schittering.
Jou.
En je bent mooi.
En ik zie in je amberen ogen en in je doorschijnende lichaam hemel en hel verstrengeld.
En ik wil geen gratie noch verdoemenis maar jouw liefde.
Alleen je liefde.
En ik bemin je.
Ik verban mijn eigen hart om jouw hart te worden.
Ik ruk me los uit mezelf om in jou te leven.
Gun me dat ik uitsterf.
Stenen lichaam. Zonnen lichaam. Eenzelvig lichaam. Zomers melkwezen. Wilde baai. Je bent mijn ivoren vlees. Zwarte ster. Mijn schaamteloze zone. Je metselt me in onder de klaagkoepel. Mijn gegunde sappigheid. Mijn minnares. Mijn stilzwijgende zinnelijkheid. Mijn tirannieke maanwezen. Razende prinses. Doolhof van zweet. Met zijde bekleed idool. En met doornen.
Opus van vuur en bloed. De areola’s van je lippen omvatten en kloven mijn huid. Leg me droog. Ik ben woestijn. Gesel me. Ik ben slaaf. Lijf me in. Ik ben je eigendom. Je snuisterij. Ik vouw je nek. Ik ontvouw je buik. Hemelse duinen. Je haar is een vlammenbundel. Je ogen een zandstorm. Ik rijt je gezwollen tong open en les mijn dorst. Ze is hostie voor mijn ontrouwe mond. Ze is kelk voor mijn ketterse mond.
Ik verzaak de plicht. De rede. Ik vereer de plaatsen van ontucht. Ik schooi op de drempel van je herberg. Ik laaf me aan je begoochelende bronnen. Opium en wijn. Ik snuif je opiumgeur op. Ik bijt in je alcohol geworden brokjes.
Ik ben die in lompen gehuld je voeten wast en kust. Ik wil drinken. Nog meer drinken. En nog meer drinken. En oplossen en opgaan in de bedwelming.
Ik ben minnaar van de liefde. Met dons bekleed. Met vuil en slijk bekleed.
Ik ben die in het stof knielt voor je lichaam. Oord van verering. Oord van gebed.
Ik ben die in de ochtend van je sluier de stilte van je ogen reciteert. Die vlechten van bloed bijeenraapt op je praalgraf.
En jij bent mijn geheiligde boek. Mijn gedicht.
En ik ben de dichtergek die bedelt om de zin van wat je zegt. En ik ben de dichtergek die het woord steelt.
Dichtergek die zijn volgzaamheid ontvreemdt. Dichtergek die een veranderd woord verkondigt.
Bezwerend woord om je te vieren en te scheppen. Woord voorbij het woord om je te beminnen.
En je bent mijn brutale vruchtbare. Die me ontdoet van mijn vermoeidheid. Die mijn fouten en wrok terugdrijft. Die een verbond tussen extase en pijn sluit.
En je nectar hecht zich aan mijn meest zorgeloze dromen. Je nectar hecht zich aan mijn nachtelijke spijt.
Je bent een festijn dat ik stopzet en dat me besmet.
En ik proef je blanke keel. Ik snuif je kruidige geuren op. Ik tap je gezwollen sappen af.
En je bent mijn ijdelheid. Mijn wulpsheid. Mijn onzedige maagd.
Je doorkruist wrekende zeeën en stinkende straten. Je doorkruist mijn gulzige geraamte en bange lusten. Terwijl mijn speeksel je lippen nog vervalst. Terwijl de lichaamssappen van het genot je gebarsten huid nog hechten.
Je bent vrouw en de roofzuchtige nacht vertrapt de graven. Je bent vrouw en de hemel zweet stenen vlokken uit.
Je bent vrouw en de oceaan verwoestijnt en de aarde ontkalkt. Je bent vrouw en de dieren rillen apocalyptische tekenen.
En je bent mooi. Mijn melkglazen gazelle. Water dat stroomt tussen mijn wimpers. Zuchten die mijn gedachten zachter maken. Saffraan die mijn littekens betegelt.
En je bent mooi. Mijn liefje. Mijn zachtje. Je gezicht een heldere ochtend. Blauwe nevel. Snoer van sterrenstof. Snoer van oneindige belofte.
En je bent mooi. Mijn verborgen schat. Vloeibare diamant. Paarlenvlecht. Robijnencanvas. Ik ben de goudsmid van je verrukking. Van je traagheid.
En je bent mooi. Eilandvrouw. Vrouweneiland. Ik ontbind mijn andere streken en beëdig me als eilandbewoner. Ik ben een vuurtoren op je navel. Ik verlicht de gezangen van je weelderigheid.
En ik wil nog jarenlang kruipen als een dier op je lijkwade. En die verstellen met mijn bloed. En inslapen verenigd met mijn toevlucht – met je lijkbleke lichaam.
En ik maak mijn ogen zwart met de as van mijn zwarte maan. En ik zweer de verwrongen en wufte maskerade van het vluchtige af. En mijn gedweeë en verblinde vlees geeft zich over aan de obsessies en uitspattingen van je eredienst.
En ik ben instrumentenlichaam. Tablalichaam .Ravanelichaam .
En je ritmeert me in de draaikolk van je lippen. En je besnijdt me op je kruis.
En je bent spiegel.
En je buigt de sterrentrek om. En je sneeuwt de zonnen vast.
Je bent spiegel. En je zuigt het giftige karmozijn van het kwade weg.
Je bent spiegel. En binnen in je ontwortel ik mijn ik om jou te worden.
Je bent spiegel. En ik versplinter je.
En je barstjes snijden mijn aders. En mijn bloed zal lang na mijn dood jouw kracht oogsten op de vlaktes van de waanzin.
En ik ben stof dat danst rond een gloeiende nis.
Hart van de wereld.
En ik onthoofd degenen die zich – ongelovig en trouw – wentelen aan je voeten maar de alchemie van de liefde niet op kunnen delven.
En ik drijf rond in mijn wankele bootje met de verbannen en zieke zielen.
En ik geef de kreupele te eten. Ik zing de schanddaden met de melaatse. En mijn lichaam is schuilplaats voor de schurftige hond. En mijn lichaam is pantser voor de dakloze. En mijn lichaam is put voor de tranen van de gevallen vrouw.
En in hun onderkomen dat mijn onderkomen is praat ik met de gekken.
En onze bebloede lippen dansen bezielde woorden die de verzen van de liefde voordragen.
En je bent mooi. Mijn zwarte fee. Mijn zwarte wonde. En ik wil de zwarte pupillen afzwakken die taal in mijn huid graven. En een ebbenhouten droom snoeien. Die ebbenhouten droom afpellen.
De essentie ervan losrukken en je dwaasheden ontwarren.
En ik dreun je naam op als het niets me opslokt. En ik roep je naam aan als de oorlog kinderlijkjes uitbraakt.
En ik smeek je naam als mijn tranen opdrogen en ik niet langer huilen wil niet langer huilen kan.
En ik ben wachtende.
Op het donkere vocht dat je rondingen insnijdt Op het donkere vocht dat je haren inkt.
En ik ben wachtende.
Op het donkere vocht dat je huid bevolkt. Op het donkere vocht dat je begeerte opbolt.
Laat het me inkerven en spietsen. Laat het me als prooi achterlaten voor de clowneske en wrede massa.
Want ik ben niets.
En ik wil sterven.
En ik wacht op lichtstralen die mijn offer aankondigen.
Slijp uw sabels vrienden.
Want ik ken dood noch leven.
Want sterven is in jou herboren worden. Is jou zijn.
En je bent mooi. De mooiste.
En ik reis buiten de perken van de tijd.
Ik ben de minnaar van al je plekken. Waar je was en waar je zult zijn.
Ik ben vader en ik heb je verzonnen. Ik ben moeder en ik heb je geboetseerd. Ik ben je eerste lachje en je eerste slokje melk.
Ik ben de grond die je hebt betreden. En de hemel die je hebt verlaten. Ik ben je gevouwen handen in het uur van het gebed. En je gewrongen handen in de pijn.
Ik ben de golven die je hebt gestreeld. En de storm die je hebt bedaard.
Ik ben de letters die je voornaam graveren. En het heilige boek dat onze verenigingen in zich bergt.
Ik ben de handen die je laatste adem zullen wiegen. En de handen die je zullen doen inslapen in je graf.
En ik bemin je.
En een enkel atoom van je liefde verzadigt me. En doet me stralen.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde amputeert mijn lelijkheid. en zuivert mijn verdorvenheid.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde volstaat opdat ik mezelf vergeet.
En ik denk alleen aan jou.
Een enkel atoom van je liefde maakt me zalig. En ik ben de uitverkorene.
En ik bemin je.
En je bent in alle dingen.
Je bent de zon die de gangen van het duister openlegt. Zon die de lusteloosheid van de oceanen scharlaken kleurt.
Je bent de tranen die de naden van de ochtend onthullen.
Tranen die de afscheiding van de schemer vieren. Tranen die de stoet van de manen wegmaaien.
En je bent in alle dingen.
Je bent de verkrachte zielen. En de monsters die ons bestormen.
En de bijlen die onze oogappels balsemen.
Je bent de vluchtigheden van de liefde als onze onherstelbare haat neer gaat liggen.
Je bent de laatste sneeuw en vlagen van vuur die mijn nachten zeven.
En ik bemin je.
En ik ben een uitgeputte kluizenaar in de woestijn.
En ik vast.
En ik stenig de spoken van andere streken.
En ik vast.
Mijn omsingelde lichaam een wonde. Een kloof.
Een stoffelijk overschot en een verblijf voor je schittering.
Jou.
En je bent mooi.
En ik zie in je amberen ogen en in je doorschijnende lichaam hemel en hel verstrengeld.
En ik wil geen gratie noch verdoemenis maar jouw liefde.
Alleen je liefde.
En ik bemin je.
Ik verban mijn eigen hart om jouw hart te worden.
Ik ruk me los uit mezelf om in jou te leven.
Gun me dat ik uitsterf.
© Vertaling: 2012, Hilde Keteleer
SANG
Tu es belle. Et je suis fou.
Corps de pierre. Corps solaire. Corps solitaire. Lactescence estivale. Echancrure sauvage. Tu es ma chair d’ivoire. Astre noir. Mon obscène territoire. Tu m’emmures sous le dôme des lamentations. Ma succulence permise. Ma maîtresse. Ma connivence sensuelle. Ma lunaire tyrannique. Princesse endiablée. Lacis de sueur. Idole enrobée de soie. Et d’épines.
Œuvre de feu et de sang. Les aréoles de tes lèvres épousent et entaillent ma peau. Assèche-moi. Je suis désert. Flagelle-moi. Je suis esclave. Inféode-moi. Je suis ta propriété. Ton bibelot. Je plisse ta nuque. J’éploie ton ventre. Dunes célestes. Ta chevelure est une liasse de flammes. Tes yeux un ouragan de sable. J’éventre ta langue engorgée et me désaltère. Elle est hostie pour ma bouche infidèle. Elle est calice pour ma bouche hérétique.
Je renonce au devoir. A la raison. Je suis dévot aux lieux de la débauche. Je suis mendiant au seuil de ta taverne. Je m’abreuve aux sources hallucinées. Opium et vin. Je renifle tes arômes opiacés. Je mords tes ébréchures alcoolisées.
Je suis celui revêtu de guenilles qui lave et baise tes pieds. Je veux boire. Encore boire. Encore boire. Et me dissoudre sous les osmoses de l’ivresse.
Je suis amant de l’amour. Celui revêtu de laine. Celui revêtu de crasse et de boue.
Celui qui se prosterne sur ton corps. Lieu de vénération. Lieu de prière.
Celui qui à l’aurore de ton voile récite les silences de tes yeux. Celui qui glane des nattes de sang sur ton mausolée.
Et tu es mon livre sanctifié. Mon poème.
Et je suis poète fou qui quémande le sens de ton verbe. Et je suis poète fou qui vole la parole.
Poète fou qui dérobe ses obéissances. Poète fou qui professe une parole transmuée.
Parole incantatoire pour te célébrer et te créer. Parole au-delà de la parole pour t’aimer.
Et tu es ma féconde indélicate. Celle qui me purge de mes lassitudes. Celle qui reflue mes fautes et mes rancœurs. Celle qui coalise extase et douleur
Et ton nectar infeste mes rêves les plus nonchalants. Ton nectar infeste mes repentirs nocturnes.
Tu es festin que je romps et qui me corrompt.
Et je déguste ta gorge blanche. Je hume tes senteurs épicées. Je soutire tes sèves tuméfiées.
Et tu es ma vanité. Ma lascive. Ma vierge indécente.
Tu sillonnes les mers vengeresses et les rues fétides. Tu sillonnes ma carcasse avide et mes plaisirs terrifiés. Tandis que ma salive adultère encore tes lèvres. Tandis que les liqueurs dédiées à la jouissance suturent encore ta peau fissurée.
Tu es femme et la nuit carnassière froisse les tombeaux. Tu es femme et le ciel exsude des flocons de pierre.
Tu es femme et l’océan se désertifie et la terre se décalcifie. Tu es femme et les bêtes frémissent les signes de l’apocalypse.
Et tu es belle. Ma gazelle opaline. Eau qui pleut entre mes cils. Soupirs qui veloutent mes songes. Safran qui pave mes cicatrices.
Et tu es belle. Ma douce. Ma moelleuse. Ton visage une aube lumineuse. Nébuleuse bleue. Collier de poussière d’étoiles. Collier de promesses infinies.
Et tu es belle. Mon trésor caché. Coulis de diamants. Tresses de perles. Canevas de rubis. Je suis l’orfèvre de tes enchantements. De tes paresses.
Et tu es belle. Femme-île. Ile-femme. Je résilie les ailleurs et m’assermente insulaire. Je suis phare dressé sur ton nombril. J’éclaire les cantiques de tes luxuriances.
Et je veux encore longtemps ramper tel un animal sur ton linceul. Et le rapiécer avec mon sang. Et m’endormir mêlé – à mon refuge – à ton corps livide.
Et je noircis mes yeux avec les cendres de ma lune noire. Et je renie les théâtres convulsés et frivoles de l’éphémère. Et ma chair soumise et aveuglée se livre aux obsessions et aux intolérances de ton culte.
Et je suis corps-instrument. Corps-tabla. Corps-ravane.
Et tu me cadences dans les tranchées de tes lèvres. Et tu m’excises sur ton crucifix.
Et tu es miroir.
Et tu infléchis la migration des astres. Et tu enneiges les soleils.
Tu es miroir. Et tu décolores les incarnats vénéneux du mal.
Tu es miroir. Et dans tes abîmes je déracine mon moi afin d’être toi.
Tu es miroir. Et je te fracasse.
Et tes scissures tranchent mes veines. Et mon sang longtemps après ma mort moissonnera ton souffle sur les esplanades de la folie.
Et je suis poussière qui cerne niche incandescente.
Coeur du monde.
Et je décapite les têtes de ceux – mécréants et fidèles – qui à tes pieds se vautrent mais qui ne savent déterrer les alchimies de l’amour.
Et je vagabonde dans ma barque fragile avec les âmes proscrites et maladives.
Et je donne à manger à l’estropié. Je chante les infamies avec le lépreux. Et mon corps est abri pour le chien galeux. Et mon corps est armure pour le clochard. Et mon corps est puits pour les larmes de la femme déchue.
Et en leur demeure qui est ma demeure je converse avec les fous.
Et nos lèvres ensanglantées dansent paroles inspirées qui récitent les versets de l’amour.
Et tu es belle. Ma fée noire. Ma blessure noire. Et je veux exténuer prunelles noires qui creusent des verbes dans ma peau. Et cisailler rêve d’ébène. Ecorcer ce rêve d’ébène.
Extraire son essence et démêler tes extravagances.
Et je psalmodie ton nom quand le néant m’engloutit. Et j’invoque ton nom quand la guerre vomit des cadavres d’enfants.
Et j’implore ton nom quand mes larmes s’effacent et que je ne veux et ne peux plus pleurer.
Et je suis en attente.
Du suc noir qui innerve tes courbes. Du suc noir qui encre ta chevelure.
Et je suis en attente.
Du suc noir qui peuple ta peau. Du suc noir qui enfle ta rage.
Qu’il m’entaille et qu’il m’empale. Qu’il m’abandonne en pâture à la foule bouffonne et cruelle.
Car je ne suis rien.
Et je veux mourir.
Et je guette luminescences qui annoncent mon sacrifice.
Affûtez vos sabres mes amis.
Car je ne reconnais ni la mort ni la vie.
Car mourir c’est renaître en toi. C’est être toi.
Et tu es belle. La plus belle.
Et je voyage hors des enclaves du temps.
Je suis amant de tous tes lieux. Là où tu as été et là ou tu seras.
Je suis père et je t’ai imaginée. Je suis mère et je t’ai façonnée. Je suis ton premier sourire et ta première gorgée de lait.
Je suis les terres que tu as foulées. Et les ciels que tu as désertés. Je suis tes mains dépliées à l’heure de la prière. Et tes mains nouées à l’heure de la douleur.
Je suis les houles que tu as caressées. Et les tourmentes que tu as apaisées.
Je suis les lettres qui cisèlent ton prénom. Et le livre sacré qui recèle nos conjugaisons.
Je suis les mains qui berceront ton dernier souffle. Et les mains qui t’endormiront dans ton tombeau.
Et je t’aime.
Et un seul atome de ton amour me rassasie. Et me resplendit.
Un seul atome de ton amour ampute mes laideurs. Et expurge mes pourritures.
Un seul atome de ton amour suffit à ce que je m’oublie.
Et je ne pense qu’à toi.
Un seul atome de ton amour me béatifie. Et je suis l’élu.
Et je t’aime.
Et tu es en toutes choses.
Tu es soleil qui débride les gangues de l’obscur. Soleil qui écarlate les indolences des océans.
Tu es les larmes qui inaugurent les coutures de l’aube.
Larmes qui fêtent la sécession des crépuscules. Larmes qui fauchent les cavalcades des lunes.
Et tu es en toutes choses.
Tu es les âmes violentées. Et les monstres qui nous assaillent.
Et les haches qui embaument nos prunelles.
Tu es les fugaces de l’amour au coucher de nos haines irrémédiables.
Tu es reliquat de neige et rafales de feu qui tamisent mes nuits.
Et je t’aime
Et je suis solitaire prostré dans le désert.
Et je jeûne.
Et je lapide les spectres des ailleurs.
Et je jeûne.
Mon corps encerclé une plaie. Une crevasse.
Une dépouille et un habitacle pour tes éblouissements.
Toi.
Et tu es belle.
Et je vois entrelacés dans tes yeux ambrés et dans ton corps diaphane le paradis et l’enfer.
Et je ne désire ni la grâce ni les damnations mais ton amour.
Ton amour seul.
Et je t’aime.
Je bannis mon coeur afin d’être ton coeur.
Je m’arrache à moi-même afin de vivre en toi.
Accorde-moi l’extinction.
Corps de pierre. Corps solaire. Corps solitaire. Lactescence estivale. Echancrure sauvage. Tu es ma chair d’ivoire. Astre noir. Mon obscène territoire. Tu m’emmures sous le dôme des lamentations. Ma succulence permise. Ma maîtresse. Ma connivence sensuelle. Ma lunaire tyrannique. Princesse endiablée. Lacis de sueur. Idole enrobée de soie. Et d’épines.
Œuvre de feu et de sang. Les aréoles de tes lèvres épousent et entaillent ma peau. Assèche-moi. Je suis désert. Flagelle-moi. Je suis esclave. Inféode-moi. Je suis ta propriété. Ton bibelot. Je plisse ta nuque. J’éploie ton ventre. Dunes célestes. Ta chevelure est une liasse de flammes. Tes yeux un ouragan de sable. J’éventre ta langue engorgée et me désaltère. Elle est hostie pour ma bouche infidèle. Elle est calice pour ma bouche hérétique.
Je renonce au devoir. A la raison. Je suis dévot aux lieux de la débauche. Je suis mendiant au seuil de ta taverne. Je m’abreuve aux sources hallucinées. Opium et vin. Je renifle tes arômes opiacés. Je mords tes ébréchures alcoolisées.
Je suis celui revêtu de guenilles qui lave et baise tes pieds. Je veux boire. Encore boire. Encore boire. Et me dissoudre sous les osmoses de l’ivresse.
Je suis amant de l’amour. Celui revêtu de laine. Celui revêtu de crasse et de boue.
Celui qui se prosterne sur ton corps. Lieu de vénération. Lieu de prière.
Celui qui à l’aurore de ton voile récite les silences de tes yeux. Celui qui glane des nattes de sang sur ton mausolée.
Et tu es mon livre sanctifié. Mon poème.
Et je suis poète fou qui quémande le sens de ton verbe. Et je suis poète fou qui vole la parole.
Poète fou qui dérobe ses obéissances. Poète fou qui professe une parole transmuée.
Parole incantatoire pour te célébrer et te créer. Parole au-delà de la parole pour t’aimer.
Et tu es ma féconde indélicate. Celle qui me purge de mes lassitudes. Celle qui reflue mes fautes et mes rancœurs. Celle qui coalise extase et douleur
Et ton nectar infeste mes rêves les plus nonchalants. Ton nectar infeste mes repentirs nocturnes.
Tu es festin que je romps et qui me corrompt.
Et je déguste ta gorge blanche. Je hume tes senteurs épicées. Je soutire tes sèves tuméfiées.
Et tu es ma vanité. Ma lascive. Ma vierge indécente.
Tu sillonnes les mers vengeresses et les rues fétides. Tu sillonnes ma carcasse avide et mes plaisirs terrifiés. Tandis que ma salive adultère encore tes lèvres. Tandis que les liqueurs dédiées à la jouissance suturent encore ta peau fissurée.
Tu es femme et la nuit carnassière froisse les tombeaux. Tu es femme et le ciel exsude des flocons de pierre.
Tu es femme et l’océan se désertifie et la terre se décalcifie. Tu es femme et les bêtes frémissent les signes de l’apocalypse.
Et tu es belle. Ma gazelle opaline. Eau qui pleut entre mes cils. Soupirs qui veloutent mes songes. Safran qui pave mes cicatrices.
Et tu es belle. Ma douce. Ma moelleuse. Ton visage une aube lumineuse. Nébuleuse bleue. Collier de poussière d’étoiles. Collier de promesses infinies.
Et tu es belle. Mon trésor caché. Coulis de diamants. Tresses de perles. Canevas de rubis. Je suis l’orfèvre de tes enchantements. De tes paresses.
Et tu es belle. Femme-île. Ile-femme. Je résilie les ailleurs et m’assermente insulaire. Je suis phare dressé sur ton nombril. J’éclaire les cantiques de tes luxuriances.
Et je veux encore longtemps ramper tel un animal sur ton linceul. Et le rapiécer avec mon sang. Et m’endormir mêlé – à mon refuge – à ton corps livide.
Et je noircis mes yeux avec les cendres de ma lune noire. Et je renie les théâtres convulsés et frivoles de l’éphémère. Et ma chair soumise et aveuglée se livre aux obsessions et aux intolérances de ton culte.
Et je suis corps-instrument. Corps-tabla. Corps-ravane.
Et tu me cadences dans les tranchées de tes lèvres. Et tu m’excises sur ton crucifix.
Et tu es miroir.
Et tu infléchis la migration des astres. Et tu enneiges les soleils.
Tu es miroir. Et tu décolores les incarnats vénéneux du mal.
Tu es miroir. Et dans tes abîmes je déracine mon moi afin d’être toi.
Tu es miroir. Et je te fracasse.
Et tes scissures tranchent mes veines. Et mon sang longtemps après ma mort moissonnera ton souffle sur les esplanades de la folie.
Et je suis poussière qui cerne niche incandescente.
Coeur du monde.
Et je décapite les têtes de ceux – mécréants et fidèles – qui à tes pieds se vautrent mais qui ne savent déterrer les alchimies de l’amour.
Et je vagabonde dans ma barque fragile avec les âmes proscrites et maladives.
Et je donne à manger à l’estropié. Je chante les infamies avec le lépreux. Et mon corps est abri pour le chien galeux. Et mon corps est armure pour le clochard. Et mon corps est puits pour les larmes de la femme déchue.
Et en leur demeure qui est ma demeure je converse avec les fous.
Et nos lèvres ensanglantées dansent paroles inspirées qui récitent les versets de l’amour.
Et tu es belle. Ma fée noire. Ma blessure noire. Et je veux exténuer prunelles noires qui creusent des verbes dans ma peau. Et cisailler rêve d’ébène. Ecorcer ce rêve d’ébène.
Extraire son essence et démêler tes extravagances.
Et je psalmodie ton nom quand le néant m’engloutit. Et j’invoque ton nom quand la guerre vomit des cadavres d’enfants.
Et j’implore ton nom quand mes larmes s’effacent et que je ne veux et ne peux plus pleurer.
Et je suis en attente.
Du suc noir qui innerve tes courbes. Du suc noir qui encre ta chevelure.
Et je suis en attente.
Du suc noir qui peuple ta peau. Du suc noir qui enfle ta rage.
Qu’il m’entaille et qu’il m’empale. Qu’il m’abandonne en pâture à la foule bouffonne et cruelle.
Car je ne suis rien.
Et je veux mourir.
Et je guette luminescences qui annoncent mon sacrifice.
Affûtez vos sabres mes amis.
Car je ne reconnais ni la mort ni la vie.
Car mourir c’est renaître en toi. C’est être toi.
Et tu es belle. La plus belle.
Et je voyage hors des enclaves du temps.
Je suis amant de tous tes lieux. Là où tu as été et là ou tu seras.
Je suis père et je t’ai imaginée. Je suis mère et je t’ai façonnée. Je suis ton premier sourire et ta première gorgée de lait.
Je suis les terres que tu as foulées. Et les ciels que tu as désertés. Je suis tes mains dépliées à l’heure de la prière. Et tes mains nouées à l’heure de la douleur.
Je suis les houles que tu as caressées. Et les tourmentes que tu as apaisées.
Je suis les lettres qui cisèlent ton prénom. Et le livre sacré qui recèle nos conjugaisons.
Je suis les mains qui berceront ton dernier souffle. Et les mains qui t’endormiront dans ton tombeau.
Et je t’aime.
Et un seul atome de ton amour me rassasie. Et me resplendit.
Un seul atome de ton amour ampute mes laideurs. Et expurge mes pourritures.
Un seul atome de ton amour suffit à ce que je m’oublie.
Et je ne pense qu’à toi.
Un seul atome de ton amour me béatifie. Et je suis l’élu.
Et je t’aime.
Et tu es en toutes choses.
Tu es soleil qui débride les gangues de l’obscur. Soleil qui écarlate les indolences des océans.
Tu es les larmes qui inaugurent les coutures de l’aube.
Larmes qui fêtent la sécession des crépuscules. Larmes qui fauchent les cavalcades des lunes.
Et tu es en toutes choses.
Tu es les âmes violentées. Et les monstres qui nous assaillent.
Et les haches qui embaument nos prunelles.
Tu es les fugaces de l’amour au coucher de nos haines irrémédiables.
Tu es reliquat de neige et rafales de feu qui tamisent mes nuits.
Et je t’aime
Et je suis solitaire prostré dans le désert.
Et je jeûne.
Et je lapide les spectres des ailleurs.
Et je jeûne.
Mon corps encerclé une plaie. Une crevasse.
Une dépouille et un habitacle pour tes éblouissements.
Toi.
Et tu es belle.
Et je vois entrelacés dans tes yeux ambrés et dans ton corps diaphane le paradis et l’enfer.
Et je ne désire ni la grâce ni les damnations mais ton amour.
Ton amour seul.
Et je t’aime.
Je bannis mon coeur afin d’être ton coeur.
Je m’arrache à moi-même afin de vivre en toi.
Accorde-moi l’extinction.
© 2004, Umar Timol
From: Sang
Publisher: L’Harmattan, Paris
From: Sang
Publisher: L’Harmattan, Paris
Poems
Poems of Umar Timol
Close
BLOOD
You are beautiful. And I am mad.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
© 2012, Susan Wicks
From: Sang
From: Sang
BLOOD
You are beautiful. And I am mad.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
Body of stone. Body of sun. Body alone. Summer milkiness. Neckline’s wild plunge. You are my ivory flesh. Black star. My province of obscene desire. You seal me up in walls beneath the dome of lamentations. My permitted succulence. My mistress. My connivance of the senses. My tyrannical moon-being. My possessed princess. My filigree of sweat, my idol wrapped in silk. And thorns.
Work of fire and blood. Your circling lips marry and notch my skin. Dry me. I am a desert. Whip me. I am a slave. Make me your vassal. I am your thing. Your trinket. I pleat up your nape. I open out your belly’s secrets. Your celestial dunes. Your hair is a sheaf of flames. Your eyes a hurricane of sand. I slit your swollen tongue and quench my thirst. It is a sacred wafer for that infidel, my mouth. It is a chalice for my mouth, heretical.
I renounce all duty. Reason. I am a worshipper in places of excess. I am a beggar at the threshold of your tavern. I quench my thirst hallucinating at your springs. With opium and wine. I sniff your opiate fragrances. I bite your intoxicating nicks and cracks.
I am the one in rags who bathes your feet with kisses. I want to drink. And drink again. And drink. And then dissolve, sucked up by the small cells of drunkenness.
I am love’s lover. The one in wool. The one in clothes of mud and grime.
The one who prostrates himself across your body. I am the place of veneration. The place of prayer.
The one who at your veil’s first light recites your eyes’ silences. The one who gleans braids of blood on your mausoleum.
And you are my sacred book. My poem.
And I am a mad poet begging for the meaning of your verb. And I am a mad poet stealing words.
Mad poet pocketing his gestures of obedience. Mad poet who declares a transmuted language.
Words of incantation to celebrate and create you. Words beyond words to love you.
And you are my fertile one, my indecorous one. The one who purges me of all my weariness. Who ebbs away my faults and my resentments. Who brings together ecstasy and pain.
And your nectar permeates my most unruffled dreams. Your nectar saturates my night repentances.
You are a feast I break, a celebration which corrupts.
And I savour your white throat. I breathe your spicy scents, decant your swelling beads of sap.
And you are my vanity. My lustful one. My shameless virgin.
You criss-cross the vengeful seas, the fetid streets. You criss-cross my greedy carcass and my terrified delights. While my saliva still besmears your lips. And while the liquors of enjoyment dry to threads stitching your fissured skin.
You are a woman and the hungry dark crumples the graves. You are a woman and the sky exudes flakes of stone.
You are a woman and the ocean dries to desert and the earth decalcifies. You are a woman and the animals are shivering apocalyptic signs.
And you are beautiful. My opaline gazelle. The water that rains down between my lashes. Sighs which stroke my dreams to velvet. Saffron to dress the surface of my scars.
And you are beautiful. My gentle one. My yielding one. Your face a shining dawn. Blue nebula. A necklace of the dust of stars. Necklace of endless promises.
And you are beautiful. My hidden treasure. Ripple of diamonds. Tresses of pearls. Canvas of rubies. I am the silversmith of your enchantments. Of your idleness.
And you are beautiful. A woman-island. Island-woman. I revoke my elsewheres, take my island-dweller’s oath. I am a lighthouse built on your belly-button. I light up the canticles of your luxuriance.
And I still want for years to come to crawl like an animal across your shroud. And patch it with my blood. And go to sleep co-mingled with my refuge – with your bloodless body.
And I black my eyes with the ashes of my black moon. And I disclaim the frivolous distorted dramas of the fleeting. And my blinded subject flesh gives itself up to the obsessions and the prejudices of your cult.
And I am a body-instrument. A body-tabla. A body-ravane.
And you give me rhythm in the furrows of your lips. And you excise me on your crucifix.
And you are a mirror.
And you inflect the migration of the stars. And wreath the suns in snow.
You are a mirror. You suck the crimson out of evil’s poisonous reds.
You are a mirror. Deep in your glass I uproot myself in order to be you.
You are a mirror. And I shatter you.
Your fractures slice my veins. Long after I have died my blood will collect your breath on madness’s esplanades.
And I am dust circling a white-hot niche.
The world’s heart.
And I cut off the heads of those – faithful and unbelievers – who wallow at your feet but who cannot unearth the alchemies of love.
And I drift about in my fragile boat with the souls of the outlawed and the weak.
And I give the lame to eat. I sing of infamy with lepers. And my body is a shelter for the mangy dog. And my body is a suit of armour for the tramp. My body is a well for the fallen woman’s weeping.
And in their dwelling-place which is my dwelling-place I converse with madmen.
And our bloody lips are dancing inspired words reciting verses from the book of love.
And you are beautiful. My black fairy. My black wound. And I want to exhaust black pupils excavating verbs inside my skin. And chisel an ebony dream. To strip the bark from this ebony dream.
Extract its essence and unravel all your strange excesses.
And I chant your name as nothingness engulfs me I invoke your name when war throws up the bodies of dead children.
And I implore your name when my tears are wiped away and I no longer want to, can no longer cry.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap that runs like nerves within your rounded flesh. For the black sap which inks in your hair.
And I am in waiting.
For the black sap which populates your skin. For the black sap which swells your rage.
Let it cut into me, impale me. Let it abandon me as fodder for the spiteful crowd of clowns.
For I am nothing.
And I want to die.
And I watch for glimmers which foretell my sacrifice.
My friends, sharpen your sabres.
For I do not recognise either death or life.
For to die is to be reborn in you. It is to be you.
And you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful.
And I am travelling beyond the bounds of time.
I am the lover of all your places. Where you have been and where you will be.
I am a father and I have conjured you in my imagination. I am a mother and I have fashioned you. I am your first smile and your first gulp of milk.
I am the tracts of land which you have trampled. And the skies you have deserted. I am your hands unfolded at the hour of prayer. And your hands knotted at the hour of pain.
I am the swelling seas you have caressed. And the raging tumults you have calmed.
I am the letters that chisel your first name. And the sacred book which holds the secret of our conjugations.
I am the hands that will rock your final breath. And the hands that will stroke you to sleep inside your tomb.
And I love you.
And a single atom of your love can satisfy my hunger. And makes me shine.
A single atom of your love amputates all my unsightliness. And purges me of my rottenness.
A single atom of your love and I forget myself.
And I think of you alone.
A single atom of your love and I am beatified. I am the chosen one.
And I love you.
And you are in all things.
You are the sun untying the restraints of dark. The sun that casts its scarlet glow across the oceans’ indolence.
You are the tears that burst across the seams of dawn.
The tears that celebrate secessions of the dusk. The tears that mow down cavalcades of moons.
And you are in all things.
You are the souls under assault. And the monsters that attack us.
And the axes that embalm our eyes.
You are love’s transients as we lay down our irreparable hates.
You are the last remaining snow and bursts of fire that sift the ashes of my nights.
And I love you.
And I am a man alone prostrated in the desert.
And I fast.
And I stone the spectres come from other places.
And I fast.
My encircled body is a wound, a crevasse.
An empty skin and dwelling-place for your amazements.
You.
And you are beautiful.
And I see hell and heaven intertwined in your amber eyes and in your filmy body.
And I desire neither mercy nor damnation but your love.
Your love alone.
And I love you.
I banish my own heart so I can be your heart.
I tear me from myself so I may live in you.
Grant me extinction.
© 2012, Susan Wicks
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