THE PAST

Ah… old copybook
where I wrote out my French themes,
Mes Vacances: I adored holidays
je suis allée à la plage (with two e’s,
the verb être asking to agree), j’ai beaucoup
nagé and then I’d end with the sunset
over the sea, looking up ‘gulls’ in the dictionary

Corrections in red and the Passé Simple,
writing nous fûmes vous fûtes ils fûrent a hundred times
during sunny afternoons
and Madame Denise who said Toi ma petite
like a drill sergeant her face turning angry
and red (I have too many globules! faites attention)
and that look which contradicted it all
with remplit tenderness

And the rules memorized and the verb
endings ais, ais, ait
during extra help and the falling afternoon light
pooling beneath the desks,
our nun lost in her psalms
me dreaming over my open book

once upon a time there was a little boy
and the algebraic equations
with x as unknown

Ah… beautiful afternoons when it was good
to be good, and neither the little saint nor candy,
but the sweet word fondling me from within,
our white smocks spotted with bright hued gouache

the blue belt I always wore draped
like a swashbuckler

Creaking wooden stairs
rhyming to steps
twenty years on,
falling into formation to the roll,
“present” seemed so logical and certain then,
like going to prayers in the chapel and reading the Epistles
(Saint Paul to the Corinthians:
In that time…),
You have such a beautiful voice and read so well,
and then they made me tighten my belt,
primped in my pew
to the right of the priest

The pull of the confession,
voices murmuring through the fine wooden web
dissembling defects,
smell of the waxed floor and the wax of the candles
and when I stopped believing in sin,
knew words didn’t do any good,
that the wooden web
was useless

Ah… nights of insomnia twenty years on
once upon a time there was a little boy
and he went on a journey
there was a little girl, une petite fille
and the simple past, how its seemed simple and past

        Au clair de la lune
        mon ami Pierrot
        Prête-moi ta plume
        pour écrire un mot

To write just a word
just one moonlit word
to request concordance like a caress

Elles sont parties,
les mouettes

PASSADO

PASSADO

Ah velha sebenta
em que escrevia as minhas composições de Francês
Mes Vacances: gostei muito das férias
je suis allée à la plage (com dois ee,
o verbo ètre pede concordância), j'ai beaucoup
nagé e depois terminava com o sol a pôr-se
no mar e ia ver gaivotas ao dicionário

As correcções a vermelho e o Passé Simple,
escrever cem vezes nous fûmes vous fûtes ils fûrent
as tardes de sol
e Madame Denise que dizia Toi ma petite
com ar de sargento e a cara zangada a fazer-se
vermelha (tenho glóbulos a mais, faites attention)
e o olhar que desmentia tudo
em ternura remplit

E as regras decoradas e as terminações
verbais ais, ais, ait,
a hora de estudo extra e o sol de fim de tarde
a filtrar-se pelas carteiras,
a freira a vigiar distraída em salmos
eu a sonhar de livro aberto

once upon a time there was a little boy
e as equações de terceiro grau a uma
incógnita

Ah tardes claras em que era bom
ser boa, não era o santinho nem o rebuçado
era a palavra doce a afagar-me por dentro,
as batas todas brancas salpicdas de gouache

colorido e o cinto azul que eu trazia sempre largo
assim a cair de lado à espadachim

As escadas de madeira rangentes
ao compasso dos passos, sentidas ainda
à distância de vinte anos,
todas nós em submissa fila a responder à chamada,
"Presente" parecia-me então lógico e certo
como assistir à oração na capela e ler as Epístolas
(De São Paulo aos Coríntios:
Naquele tempo...),
tem uma voz bonita e lê tão bem, e depois
mandavam-me apertar o cinto para ficar
mais composta em cima do banquinho,
à direita do padre

E o fascínio das confissões,
as vozes sussuradas na fina madeira
castanha a esconder uma falta,
o cheiro do chão encerrado e da cera das velas
e quando deixei de acreditar em pecados
e comecei a achar que as palavras não prestam
e que era inútil
inútil a teia de madeira

Ah noites de insónia à distância de vinte anos,
once upon a time there was a little boy
and he went up on journey
there was a little girl, une petite fille
e o passé simple, como parecia simples o passado


Escrever uma palavra
uma só
ao luar
a pedir concordância como uma carícia

Elles sont parties,
les mouettes