it isn’t sweet or salty
it isn’t sour or bitter
it’s somewhere in between
somewhere from above

it’s umami
the savory delight of monosodium glutamate
the buddha’s poop that has colonized our cuisines since 1908
the inducer of droll and drivel, that sensation of furriness on the tongue
the teaser to the throat, the softener to the hard palate
the loveless lover to the lingual tonsil
the made-in-japan-chinese-restaurant syndrome
the diamond powder, the tortoise hair, the hare horn
recognized safe for the general population
no serious adverse reactions
no long-lasting effects

only an imperishable aftertaste
from myeik mohinga to houston beef jerky
from kaesŏng instant noodle to lima pachamanca
from the shrimp cocktail of nasa astronauts in space to
the food-aid package in east africa
even the inuit imbue their whales, walruses and seals with an essence of taste
the seasoning for all seasons
the most addictive of additives

the non-essential you can’t live without

the acid you yearn to lick every second

the undecided neurotransmitter

the enhancer of life’s flavors

the condiment to contemporary conditions
 

no wonder then

99 percent of humanity is over-ajinomotoed

the rest is under-ajinomotoed

if you are a 1-kilogram rat

15 grams of the sweet dust is your lethal oral dose

it works 50 percent of the time