Poem
Roger McGough
As Far As I Know
As Far As I Know
As Far As I Know
As far as I knowI have never received a bribe, fiddled my expenses
or hacked into anybody’s voicemail
As far as I can be sure
I have never broken into a stranger’s home,
stolen valuables, and then trashed the place
I am pretty certain
I have never knowingly molested a woman
walking home alone after dark
I would remember, surely
if I had pushed excrement, or worse still,
a lighted rag soaked in paraffin
through a neighbour’s letter-box
To the best of my knowledge
I have never jumped the queue at the Post office,
or taken a baseball bat to a former accomplice
Correct me if I am wrong
but I have never planted a bomb under a stationary car
without the owner’s consent
I think I can safely say
in fact, I’m pretty sure, that I have never
smuggled heroin into this country
from places like overseas
As far as I know
I have never received stolen excrement
Pushed heroin through a neighbour’s letter-box
Taken an overseas woman at the Post Office
Smuggled bribes, fiddles or paraffin
Planted stationery or valuable rags after dark
Hacked into a lighted car with a baseball bat
Or molested a bomb soaked in voicemail.
As far as I know
© 2011, Roger McGough
Publisher: First published on PIW,
A previously unpublished poem, published here with kind permission of the author.
Publisher: First published on PIW,
Roger McGough
(England, 1937)
Roger McGough was born in Liverpool in 1937, and his career has been inextricably bound to his home city: he came to prominence in the 1960s as one of the beat-inspired, pop-movement ‘Liverpool poets’ – the other two being Adrian Henri and Brian Patten – and has represented Liverpudlian culture ever since.
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As Far As I Know
As far as I knowI have never received a bribe, fiddled my expenses
or hacked into anybody’s voicemail
As far as I can be sure
I have never broken into a stranger’s home,
stolen valuables, and then trashed the place
I am pretty certain
I have never knowingly molested a woman
walking home alone after dark
I would remember, surely
if I had pushed excrement, or worse still,
a lighted rag soaked in paraffin
through a neighbour’s letter-box
To the best of my knowledge
I have never jumped the queue at the Post office,
or taken a baseball bat to a former accomplice
Correct me if I am wrong
but I have never planted a bomb under a stationary car
without the owner’s consent
I think I can safely say
in fact, I’m pretty sure, that I have never
smuggled heroin into this country
from places like overseas
As far as I know
I have never received stolen excrement
Pushed heroin through a neighbour’s letter-box
Taken an overseas woman at the Post Office
Smuggled bribes, fiddles or paraffin
Planted stationery or valuable rags after dark
Hacked into a lighted car with a baseball bat
Or molested a bomb soaked in voicemail.
As far as I know
As Far As I Know
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