PALM TREE KING

PALM TREE KING

Because I come from the West Indies
certain people in England seem to think
I is a expert on palm trees 

so not wanting to sever dis link
with mi native roots (know what Ah mean?)
or to disappoint any culture vulture
I does smile cool as seabreeze 

and say to dem
which specimen
you interested in
cause you talking
to de right man
I name Palm Tree King
I know Palm Tree history
like de palm o' mi hand.
In fact mi navel string
bury under a palm tree
if you think de Queen could wave
you ain't seen nothing yet
till you see de Roystonea Regia

• that is de Royal palm
• with she crown of leaves
• waving calm-calm
• over de blue Caribbean carpet
• nearly 100 feet of royal highness

But leh we get down to business.
Tell me what you want to know.
How tall a palm tree does grow?
What is de biggest coconut I ever see?
What is de average length of a leaf? 

Don't expect me to be brief
cause palm tree history
is a long-long story. 

But why you so interested
in length and circumference?
That kind of talk so low key.
That kind of talk don't touch
de essence of palm tree mystery.
That kind of talk is no challenge
to a palm tree historian like me.
If you so insist on statistics
why you don't pose a question
with mathematical profundity? 

Ask me something more tricky
like if a American tourist with a camera
take 9 minute to climb a coconut tree?
How long a English tourist without a camera
go take to climb de same coconut tree? 

That is problem, pardner,
now Ah coming harder,
numerically harder,
to challenge yo grey matter,
Ah coming like Einstein father,
clear de road fo' Einstein father 

If 6 straw hat
and half a dozen bikini
multiply by the same number
of coconut tree
equal one postcard
how many square mile of starw hat
you need to make a tourist industry? 

Find de solution
and you got a revolution
but before you say anything
let I palm Tree King
give you dis warning,
Ah want de answer in metric,
it kinda rhyme wid tropic,
besides it sound more exotic